Chapters 1&2

Why there's so much water (and a few of my favorite things)

The Happiest Saddest People launched yesterday! Have you listened? You can listen here if you’d like:

Chapter 1: Eden

Chapter 2: Inseparable

I’ve received so many beautiful messages about what God’s doing with this story, especially from listeners who’re going through their own shades of darkness. One listener told me, “It’s helping me grieve my own losses.” And that’s really at the heart of this project. This story is not about me. It’s an invitation for you to sit with your pain and sadness, to feel it all fully, and to imagine what redemption might look like. Could God be here with you? Might He write something beautiful in the middle of all this pain? You won’t know until you’re willing to pay attention to your story—the saddest parts and the happiest parts and all the parts in between.

My sister-in-law texted me after she listened and said listening to The Happiest Saddest People “feels like seeing God through someone else’s eyes, which is such a beautiful way to get to know a God you know, but Who is also unknowable.”

Yes.

The day before the podcast launched I spent some time in Scripture praying, and when I came to these words from Jesus I knew they were my prime directive with HSP:

“I made your name known to them and will continue to make it known, so that the love you have loved me with may be in them” (John 17:26).

Anyway, thanks for listening. I hope God is using this podcast to stir things up in you and to make some room for love.

---

Any Questions?

Okay, you’ve heard episode 1 and 2. What are you wondering? Surely you’re wondering some things. Things like, Did she run this past her mother first? Or, How long does something like this take to make? Or, Does that Christian Camp take reservations? Or maybe you’re wondering something deeper. Maybe you’re wondering if you’re going to be okay. Ask me anything, and I’ll “answer” it next Monday.

---

All the Things

This is the section where I dump a bunch of my inspiration into a pile, just in case you want dig through it. Treat it like a thrift store rack. Not everything in it is a treasure to you (though it is all gold to me). Find what you need.

Grief memoirs

When my brother died I read a few grief books. Not many. I decided pretty early that they were not for me. I KNOW they are valuable for people. I wrote one for Heaven’s sake. But none of the ones I read spoke my language. Enter grief memoirs. I have read something like 40 grief memoirs. They have been my oxygen. All I want in the world when I’m going through something hard is to watch someone else do it—better still if they can communicate it beautifully. A few of my favorites:

• The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

• A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis

• A Grace Disguised by Jerry Sittser

Every one of the above books is gold. But the truth is, I love a mediocre grief memoir, too. Mediocre’s the wrong word. I like a more ordinary, earthy memoir just as much. For me, I think it’s knowing the person is real. And that they’re still breathing and eating breakfast and writing words, even after everything (which, coincidently, is the title of a lovely grief memoir).

Things I mentioned

Here are a few things I mentioned in the podcast:

A Happy Marriage by Rafael Yglesias

This novel is distinctly not Christian, but it is a moving picture of grief and what it looks like to lose someone you love. It’s especially adept at exploring the way we can both know someone deeply and never truly know someone. The main character is losing his wife to cancer and realizes that this relationship he often took for granted is more than a partnership; the two of them have become one thing. What will happen when part of that one thing goes away?

Les Miserables by Victor Hugo

I adore this book. The first time I heard about it I was 13 and my 15 year old boyfriend (my now husband) was reading it in his advanced English class. He couldn’t stop talking about the chase scene in the sewers. I read it in that same English class two years later and COULD NOT. Could not what, you ask? I could not ever see humanity or love or pain or God the same way again. Victor Hugo was a genius. Most of my favorite quotes are from him.

Side note: When we took our girls to Paris during our years living abroad, they each bought a copy of Les Miserables from Shakespeare & Co, the famous English language book store on the Seine. It took them each about four months to read it. But they stuck with it, and it’s one of their all time favorites. Eve wants to name a baby Eponine. :)

Les Miserables, the play

Though it isn’t running on Broadway anymore, you can still catch Les Miz at your local theater. Here’s a tour schedule. It’s a beautiful show.

One Art by Elizabeth Bishop

You have to be careful quoting poetry because of copyright issues. So I didn’t quote this whole poem in the episode. But there’s probably not anything that better captures the way I felt in the first few years after Bobby died. Click the link to read it. Really, you must. It’s heartbreaking.

The Weeki Wachee River

Yes, it is as lovely as I said. Yes, it makes for a perfect vacation paired with a couple days at the beach. Fly into Tampa, FL, drive 45 minutes up the road, and there you are in the wilderness kayaking with manatees. THIS is my current favorite Weeki Wachee River Instagram account.

Abide with Me

I love this hymn. Have for all my life. A Scottish Anglican cleric wrote the lyrics after sitting beside the bed of a dying friend. The lyrics feel a littler fresher than the music these days, but that’s fine. How about a British primary school singing it in their precious little uniforms? Here you go!

Also, maybe you just want to spend a minute with the modern church worship song, “Abide.” I cry within four seconds every time I sing it.

---

Crashing the Symbols!

You’ve likely noticed that The Happiest Saddest People is flooded with water. We have rivers, oceans, springs, baptisteries… It’s only going to continue. Is this because I’m obsessed with water? Of course. But it’s deeper than that.

Want a hint? Here’s Tyler Staton on water in the Bible in his newest book, The Familiar Stranger:

In the ancient Near Eastern world that Genesis emerged from, “the waters” did not evoke the image of a peaceful stream on a summer morning. “The waters” were feared, symbolic of chaos. As the Old Testament moves forward, the sea continues to serve as imagery for chaos and disorder. […]

The description of Eden includes “a river watering the garden.” God has channeled the chaos waters, ordering them into a spring that becomes a river that gives life to the garden and beyond. From the Bible’s first scene, we gather that the Holy Spirit doesn’t just get rid of disorder. The Spirit makes the very place of darkness and fear an oasis teaming with full, free life.

Soooo. I think you can guess what I’m up to.

(Or really, what God’s up to. I didn’t set out writing this with all these grand themes and symbols clearly in mind. It wasn’t really until the edit when I started finding everything and realizing what God was weaving together.)

---

From London

Each week my daughter London is selecting songs for us to help us walk in the emotional aftermath of episodes. Here’s her pick for this week. It’s everything I needed this morning.

Time by Josh Lucas

By the way, this is some of the best lyric writing I have ever seen:

My heart has known the winters
And my feet have known the snow
But mine eyes have seen the glory
Of a seed begin to grow

&

There is a time to dance on sorrow
And a time to kiss her cheek

&

There is a time when laughter will echo
Through your halls of peace
But war is known to change your locks
And carry off the family keys

&

And I don’t know the end, or tomorrow’s story
But I have found the one who gives me rest
And I will make my bed in His promises
For He holds true when nothing’s left

And now I’m a puddle…

---

Still to come this week

Tomorrow I’ll send you some thoughts on the Mary & Martha story featured in these two episodes, a meditation on the idea of Eden, AND a few pictures of Bobby and I from the good old days. (That email will be exclusively for paid subscribers.)

---

Finally

I’m so happy to spend this time with you here on Substack unpacking The Happiest Saddest People! I should mention that in the future you won’t get quite so much with a free subscription. Free subscribers only get the podcast and the “Things I Mentioned” section. From now on everything else will be behind a paywall, including the Thursday and Monday emails.

Why? Total transparency: Because the podcast is free, and it took me (and a team of other people) more than two years to make. Paid Substack subscriptions support The Happiest Saddest People. Your gift makes it possible for me to keep writing stories like these. Frankly, your gift makes it possible for us to finish the work of releasing Season One. Thank you to everyone who’s jumped in for a paid subscription. Let’s tell this story together.

Oh! You can also give a gift subscription. Just in case you know someone who needs this conversation.